Q & A

How is it having two kids? Is it what you expected? Do you ever have a hard time not getting the one-on-one time you used to with Lach, or is this something you grow accustomed to? How is Lachlan handling being a big brother?

Having two kids is honestly amazing.   People always told me I’d love the 2nd just as much as the 1st, yet I secretly wondered how that would be possible because I loved Lachlan so so much.  It was hard to imagine how anything could compare.  The minute Cael was born it was INSTANT love.  The exact same intensity of love I have for Lachlan.  It IS what I expected in the sense that I knew there would be less one-on-one time with Lachlan than I had before and that it would be a bit of a juggling act in the beginning balancing my time and priorities.  There is less time for me to go exploring the world with Lach the same way I did before….but, now, we do things differently.  I’m still learning to balance my time and give him the personal attention he needs.  You get used to the change…though it’s hard to adjust at first, I’ll admit.  I now see it as a trade-off….he gets less personal attention than he used to (ummm, ALL my attention before), but now he has a baby brother! And seeing him with Cael is priceless.  Each morning he is the first thing he wants to see.  He kisses him countless times during the day and pats is tummy (so gently!) and loves helping give him a bath.  These are the moments that make me smile every single day.  This is the reason we had another baby – so that they could grow up together as best buds, challenge each other, ride down the stairs on a mattress together (hopefully not for awhile…)!!, love each other dearly and experience life together.  They’re going to be so close, and I love that.

How do you pronounce his name? Is it pronounced Kale? Kyle? Kye-el? I’ve been wondering. Also, you might have mentioned it before, but do your boys have the same donor?

Cael’s name is pronounced KALE…..like the cabbage.  Both boys have the same known donor.  It was important to us that they be 100% biological siblings.  Our known donor is a good friend that didn’t want children of his own, and that was also a big contributing factor in decision when choosing a known donor.

Have your parents come around since Cael’s birth?

The simple and most accurate answer to this question would be, unfortunately, no.  I haven’t spoken to my Dad in about 4 years, and the communication with my mom is through email right now.  She actually emailed in October and wanted to come down for a visit and wanted see the boys too.  I had to write her and tell her it wasn’t best at this time and maybe a good “first step” to repairing the relationship would be to talk via iChat.  We are planning to do that in the next few weeks.  As much as I wanted to see my mom and give her an opportunity to have a part in my life again, I had to think of K as well, as she is my partner and 2nd mama to my kids.  She has to be accepted too, and I don’t think my mom is there yet.  Tough stuff, but I’m working through it and still holding onto hope, that after 9 years, maybe they’ll change.  Nothing would make me happier.

Do you plan to have any more children after this?

I don’t know.  We’ve discussed it since Cael’s birth, and some days we are definitely having a third, and other days we’re 100% content with our 2 boys.   I think the answer at this point is that we’re going to “wait and see”.  The idea that we could possibly have a little girl is exciting, but I’m absolutely okay if we never have a daughter.  I love my 2 boys so much and would be happy to add another baby boy to the mix.  I think there are pros and cons to having a third…..money, new vehicle, needing a bigger house, being outnumbered by kidlets to parents!  If we do have a third, we will wait a little longer.  Give it 2 years before TTC, rather than 1.  We need to completely adjust to this new normal and I want to give my body a bit of a break.  It’s gone through a lot in the last few years and I’m enjoying my babies being outside of my body right now.  That being said, a third baby may or may not be in our future.  I’m just not sure at this point, but we will definitely decide in the next few years.

Does your sperm donor ever hang out with you and the kids?

Hang out, no….but he does see them regularly.  He feels no “connection” to them, but feels honored that we chose him as our donor and that he was able to give us such an amazing gift, and loves that we adore the kids so much.  He’s already said that he’s “game” for a third baby any time we are!  So lucky to have him in our lives.

Are one of you Superman buffs (the name Cael)?

No S.uperman buffs in our house.  K picked the name because she loved it….that’s all.  It was originally going to be a middle name, but we decided to change it to his first name.

Share something about living in Canada that might be different than living in the States.

We love hockey…..in Canada, hockey is personal.  It’s serious stuff with Canadians….after all, it’s “our game”.  Oh, and our milk comes in bags.  Americans seem fascinated by this fun fact, so I had to share it.   You pick up a bag of milk at the grocery store.  Inside it there are three smaller bags.  You put one of those bags in a pitcher and cut the corner, pour, and viola! milk in bags!  Photographic evidence:

Share a favorite recipe.

My mom’s banana muffins I adored while growing up.  Enjoy!

Banana Muffins

All-purpose flour                 2 cups

Baking soda                         1-1/2 tsp.

Salt                                       1/4 tsp.

Butter, softened                  1/2 cup

Granulated sugar                1-1/2 cups to 1-3/4 cups (or to taste)

Eggs                                    2

Sour cream                         1/4 cup

Vanilla                                1 tsp.

Mashed bananas                 3 medium (ripe if possible)

Put flour, soda and salt in large bowl. Stir. Make well in centre.In another bowl cream butter, sugar and one egg. Beat in second egg.Mix in sour cream, vanilla and bananas. Pour into well and stir to mix. Ignore lumps. Fill muffin liner cups or greased cups 3/4 full. Bake at 400 F  for approx. 20 minutes. Makes 13-16 muffins.

What is a guilty pleasure (music, food, movie, whatever).

S.tarbucks latte’s or A.MC’s new show “T.he W.alking D.ead” (based on the comics which I also love!).

Where do you hope to travel with the family one day?

Honestly….anywhere! I feel like going any place with my new family will be such an amazing experience.  I can’t wait till they’re a little bit older and we can go explore the U.S., Canada and beyond…..

It sounds like you and Karli are still close… Are you? If so, what do you think makes that possible?

We are definitely still close.  We did everything together before we had kids and never got sick of eachother….while we aren’t able to spend the same amount of time together now, we remain extremely close.  Communicating is so important, and MAKING time for each other.  It’s easy to get caught in a routine of taking care of the house or kids or work or all of it and you forget to focus on each other and your needs as a couple.  Make the time.  It has to be a priority, or it will suffer.  That’s easier said than done when you are so exhausted you can’t even think about chit-chatting about the weather, let alone discussing the big stuff, or (gasp!) making time for s.e.x.  Even with making the time, you’ll have bad days….everyone does…but if you are committed from the get-go, you can get through anything together and come out stronger.  Before we even started TTC, we committed to eachother for life.  It is NOT an option that we not be together.  Parenting is the single hardest thing our relationship has gone through….but it has only made me love her more and be more and more committed to her and our family.  We’re stuck together for life…through every good day and every bad day….and seeing Lachlan cackle with laughter during their pillow-fights, or point to her picture and sign “please” just because he misses her during the day…..to me…..is priceless.  Do I miss the Saturdays of our past–with nothing to do but lay in bed together? Totally. But, I wouldn’t change what we have now for anything in the world.


6 thoughts on “Q & A

  1. Oh, I loved reading this, Tiff! It’s so great to hear your account of having two kids. It makes me hopeful. And you and Karli rock. I’m so glad your relationship remains strong.

    Milk in bags??? Really? 🙂

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