This is quite lengthy…just a heads up! Lachlan had his 12 month well-baby appointment today. Our appointments always manage to be during “sick visit” time. Lucky us! We arrived at 3:30pm and 2 middle-school-aged kids were running around the toddler play area screaming and yelling and throwing themselves through the windows of the l.ittle t.ikes playhouse, that was clearly much too small for them. I tried not to glare at them, and simply glanced their way with disapproving eyes. That’ll teach them! Okay, actually, they didn’t care and continued on. Their mom was M.I.A. and an older sister sat ignoring them on the couch in the waiting room. I tried to distract Lach with the tank of fish, but all he wanted to do was run over and play with the little hooligans kids in the germ-infested area. Not happening.
K approached the check-in window and we were greeted with a snarky new somewhat-elderly office assistant. She immediately rubbed me the wrong way and looked genuinely miserable. You know, the kind that feels put-out just to be at work? Like, seriously, what was I thinking bothering her? Surely she had better things to be doing with her time than helping me!? First thing she asked was, “Are you here for a sick visit?” I responded, “No. We have a 3:30 appointment for Lachlan. It’s a well-baby visit.” No response. “Insurance card?” Ummm….we have it on file, so they never need us to show it to them. Maybe she just doesn’t know the system yet. “Nothing has changed. Why do you need to see the card?” She looked at me like I had four eyes. “It’s a NEW YEAR.”, she snapped back. Thanks for the explanation. All I could think of was, ‘Wow….I see you’re wearing a wedding band…..your poor husband.’ Of course I didn’t say that though, and K just got our card out and breathed, “Happy New Year”. She looked at it for maybe 10 seconds, obviously seeing that, yes, we DO have that information on file! Then, handed it back to me and gave me a new last name. “Pardon?”, I said. “Oh, that’s not my name.” I guess now I had 5 eyes, because she was staring even harder! She muttered some excuse about talking to someone else by that name and that she just had it stuck in her head.
Anyway, it was a lovely start to the appointment. Lachlan was already mad that I didn’t let him play with the rugrats in the playhouse and was utterly upset to even be at the doctors. After our name was called, we walked to room #7 to wait for the doctor. One of the nurses/assistants came in to weigh Lach and get all his measurements. You remember last time how I was thinking their scale was off? Well, now I think it was just the nurses incompetence. I don’t mean to sound harsh….but – let me explain. They weigh the kids on a baby scale. I mean, literally, it is baby-sized and the child lays down on it. At his last appointment, he was wriggling around like crazy and the scale would go from 16 lbs to 19 and back again. I had mentioned a few months ago that I didn’t think the nurse was getting an accurate weight, but she seemed to think it worked just fine. Well, as you may remember, we went on to listen to the doctor talk about him being at the lower-end of the weight spectrum, protein needs, yada yada. So, today the nurse tried to do the same thing. Only, I was prepared this time. It helps that Lachlan LOVES to weigh himself at work on the U.PS Scale. He just crawls right on to it on the floor (its a big square), I turn the button on and – voila – instant weight check. Well, as of this morning, he was 21.4. So, the nurse comes into our room and records his length (75 percentile) and then said that he was time for him to get weighed. I followed her to the scale. “He gets weighed on THAT again?” I said. I was genuinely surprised that they would try to weigh toddlers on this thing. “Oh yeah. Probably until he’s at least 2.” Ha! Yeah right. Like he’s going to lay down, or even sit on that tiny thing. Sure enough….he screamed and flayled around and the numbers went from 17-20 and back again. She said, “Ok, why don’t you come over here and hold this?”, giving me some toy that she thought might amuse him. K and I just looked at eachother, both thinking “this is NOT working”. She looked like she was going to write something down on his chart. I picked him up and said, “I don’t think this is accurate, and I weighed him this morning and he is 21.4”. Well, she still found it necessary to put me on the scale and then add him to make sure I was right. According to that method, Lachlan is 21.5 lbs, which places him almost at the 50 percentile….just under. Whatever….at least that was over! Geesh. Come up with a new system!!! Maybe I should suggest the U.PS scales.
After that ordeal, we waited in room #7 for 30 minutes for the doctor to come into the room. Lach is still in a diaper and we are trying to entertain him with crinkle paper and a tube of SPF 50 baby sunscreen. Not working so well. Lach proceeded to start bawling and rubbing his eyes. The room is very tiny, and a half hour of no walking is like a lifetime to Lachlan. K looks at me and says, “I’m waiting another 5 minutes and then we’re walking out.” We discuss the option of the granola-ish pedi 30 or so mins from our house. She is very supportive of not vaccinating babies and toddlers and focuses highly on nutrition and alternative healing. K opens the door and our pedi walks in. She apologizes profusely and said she got caught up with a sick child. She smiles and says she understands it’s not fun for Lachlan, etc, etc. We try to smile back and focus on getting him checked out. He is just DONE by this point, and the whole visit just cries uncontrollably….especially when he has to lay down the crinkly paper and get his nose, ears and mouth prodded. Poor thing. He claws at us to pick him up and I feel just horrible inside. She tells us that he his two top teeth are just under the gums, about to break through the surface. That makes sense, as the last few nights have been worse than normal. She is really quite attentive during the appointment and says she is thrilled with how much he can sign and feels that he is just doing wonderfully physically and developmentally. She doesn’t even really give us a shpeal about vaccines and just gets us to sign the form. She apologizes again about the wait, and makes it back into our good graces. We all go home exhausted. Oh, and on top of all of that, K is sick AND we left our male beagle, Bentley, in the car during the appointment, and stuff is EVERYWHERE. He figured out how to open the zipper on the lunch bag and ate 1 R.eese’s cup, 4 squares of G.odiva dark chocolate, 1 chocolate chip granola bar, 1 zucchini muffin, 1 chocolate cookie and 1/2 the bottle of homeopathic teething drops. He hasn’t even gotten sick tonight.
Some videos to make me smile after all that. Hope they make you smile too!