28wk Midwife Appointment

Bullets again, sorry. We had a good appointment…we’ve graduated to appointments every 2 weeks now!

  • Had glucose test to screen for gestational diabetes.  Drank “the drink” and had blood sugar level tested one hour later.  Needed to be below 140 to pass….sugar level came up as 94!! Woo hoo!
  • Found out Wee One is no longer breech!!! I guess he just likes to move around a lot! She says not to worry….
  • Weighed in. I’ve gained 4 lbs in the last month for a grand total of 23 lbs gained in 28 weeks of pregnancy….
  • Pee looked good
  • Bloodwork good
  • Called the “perfect pregnant lady” by midwife N….and that “whatever I was doing, please don’t change anything.” Please don’t jinx this N! I responded that “surely this must mean that I will have a ‘perfect labour and birth’ (preferably fast)”, in which she replied “oh, of course you will!” Then went on to say she is preparing me for a 3 day labour.  12 of it hardcore labour…..awesome….
  • Given a “safe date” of November 25th.  We can have the baby on that date or any date thereafter at home….doesn’t seem so far away now….
  • Told N we were NOT circumcising, to which she replied, “Oh good.”  I heart this woman.
  • Asked her opinion of pediatricians in Richmond….we want someone close who will tolerate our decisions on vaccinating (we will do some vaccines and refuse others that we feel are unnecessary).
  • Discussed birth supplies we’ll need for the home birth.  We have to put all of this stuff in a big plastic storage container, aka “the birth box”. It’s really not that much …. is it? Shower liners, antibacterial soap, rubbing alcohol and q tips, hydrogen peroxide, blue ‘medical’ pads to keep birth area dry, 12 wash cloths, 4 to 6 towels, hospital-type pads for bleeding postpartum (heavy and light), heating pad to warm baby blankets and clothes, food for after the birth (high protein meal), energy drinks…..g.atorade, etc., crock pot to heat wash cloths, spare set of sheets, stuff for postpartum bath (cloves, salt, etc), ear syringe, flashlight with extra batteries, large black plastic bags, 6 to 8 cotton receiving blankets and set of baby clothes, large hand mirror, extra pillows, gown suitable for breastfeeding, thermometer, baby wipes, new garden hose, adapter to attach hose to faucet, ice bag, exercise/birth ball, massage oil, sour candy for labour and any other comfort items I can think of.
  • It’s a lot to do….but do-able….I was fine up until the “small bowl for vomiting, squeeze bottle for use in cleaning and soothing postpartum trauma….large bowl for placenta……….the rest is a blur……I am stronger than the pain, I am stronger then the pain….
  • Pretty much decided on the 150 gallon birthing tank….N has 7 of them to choose from….I told her I’d like K to be able to be in the tub with me…..
  • Found out that N cannot put K’s name on the birth certificate because she is not “the father”.  F*ck Virginia….pardon my language…but seriously.  I miss Canada.  America doesn’t feel so “land of the free” right now….this doesn’t feel like freedom at all.  N was going to just try to “put it through”, but can’t do it legally, she said.  If she got caught it would be serious problems for her…. K was visibly upset….which led to me crying on the bed.  We will get through this, we will get through this……
  • Did I mention I feel like there’s lots to do?? This baby will be here before we know it….
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17 thoughts on “28wk Midwife Appointment

  1. America’s not so bad depending on where you are. VA is the worst, you must know that. We live not far from you in MD and we can do second-parent adoption. It takes a couple of months, but K will have full legal rights as an adoptive parent. Our lawyer always says “Whatever you do, don’t live in VA”. Everything else sounds great, though. Good luck with the at-home preparations.

  2. Well, I’m glad that everything is sounding perfect physically. But on the VA thing, I totally hear you. When we were at a gay parenting conference the lawyers asked a couple from VA if there was anyway they could move to DC or MD before giving birth because VA was so hostile towards them becoming parents. Have you done all of your lawyer stuff to protect yourself, N and the baby? I’d love to hear about it if you have.

  3. I feel ya’ on the birth certificate. Obviously not allowed in the great red start of Kansas but I have been told that 6 months after birth, we can file for a “Second-Parent Adoption” by the non-bio mom and get the birth certificate CHANGED legally after the fact. There are legal fees, obviously, but it would be worth looking into for your area.

  4. So exciting that all is looking healthy for you and the boy. And the birth box must be HUGE! There are lots of things that need to go in there. 🙂 You had me stumped by the garden hose, but then I remembered the birthing tank. 🙂
    Does VA do second parent adoptions? I know that Maine just passed it last fall. I would check into it with your lawyer. S can adopt our baby as soon after he is born as we can get the paperwork filed. And then we will get a new birth certificate with both of our names on it as parents. Good luck. Isn’t it so annoying that we even have to do this?

  5. nutella – we have to meet with a lawyer here soon to discuss the important stuff….it’s on our to-do list…..

    jen & jkc – unfortunately, virginia doesn’t allow second parent adoptions to gay couples. isn’t it just lovely??? i was under the impression that they did….but, no go. the only thing we can do is apply for joint custody….and i’ve heard that some judges will just refuse to allow it based on the fact that it’s a same-sex couple. we need some SERIOUS change in this country. thanks for the encouragement and advice though – i hope we can get it all figured out….but it is so wrong that we even have to go through this all.

  6. I am really sorry about the birth certificate. When I think about that shit i just get so mad. Congratulations on passing the sugar test, and the “perfect pregnant lady” designation. xo.

  7. gosh, texass is the exact same way when it comes to names and adoption and the like. some people do second parent adoptions, but i’ve been told that it’s not “legal”.

    who knows. it sucks that we have to jump through all these hoops to protect our family! we do need a change and i hope it’s coming soon.

  8. Well, I sure hope that you find an awesome judge that’ll let the joint custody thing pass through. I hope things change in VA 😦 Here in Texas, second parent adoption is only legal in certain *counties*, isn’t that ridiculous? I agree, so much for “the land of the free”!

    But congrats on that boy moving out of the breech position!

  9. Congrats on the appointment. It all sounds like its going so well.

    Can I ask a question? I’m one of those ‘lucky’ Canadians and I honestly dont know. If you live in a state that allows second parent adoption then move to a state where its not allowed, do they recognize the adoption?

    Link below shows by country where we have and don’t have rights (and which ones). It’s not state by state though.
    http://biggaymovie.com/bgm/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=16&Itemid=2

  10. selmada – i’m not sure…but my guess would be not…..virginia doesn’t recognize anything…….for example, if you get married in another state and come here, they don’t recognize it….therefore you don’t get the benefits of being a married couple. i am canadian and just miss our rights up north!!!! hoping virginia will change SOON.

  11. I so get it about the legal rights! We’re jumping though lots of hoops here too, because we have as little rights as you do. We do have some options though, but they are problematic and seem to be oh so risky. But then not doing anything is risky too! It’s so unfair.
    But well done on being a ‘perfect pregnant lady’! You rock. And I’m glad for you that your boy loves to move around so much – hopefully he will get his head down when he needs to.
    And the home birth preparations sound so exciting! I wish I had the courage to do that.

  12. You ladies have alot to do. It is great that you are having a home birth and everything is falling in to place for you.

    The legal rights BS is really bad in Utah. I really think it will be one of the last states to except gay families. Our state is run by what the predominant religion is here.

  13. Selmada said “If you live in a state that allows second parent adoption then move to a state where its not allowed, do they recognize the adoption? ”

    The good news is that once a 2nd parent adoption is final it’s good across the US no matter what the policies of the state are regarding adoptions. Thus the advice for VA residents to give brith and complete a 2nd parent adoption in MD. After it’s complete they can move back to VA with no fear of losing equal parental rights.
    Of course, any partnership rights are a completely different story. A legal same sex marriage certificate from any country or state is just a piece of paper in VA and many other US states. The same is true of advanced medical directives, powers of attorney, living together agreements, and possibly even wills.

  14. This is all so exciting and I’m very proud of you for going this route! I hate the whole birth certificate thing, it’s not going to be easy for any of us damnit.

  15. You sound great. So excited for you and for your home birth. So sorry about Virginia. I remember when we began to research this process, we were still living in DC and were advised that in late stage of pregnancy, we shouldn’t even drive into Virginia because if I went into labor in VA, and had to deliver in a hospital in VA, then the laws of VA would apply ….. We have since moved to Illinois (which is more like DC in its laws, pretty good but no Massachusetts), and aren’t even pregnant, so we haven’t had to cross that bridge. But I am so, so, so sorry that you are in this situation. Big hugs.

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