K-The Kedge & Karaoke

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Thanks girls, for all the encouragement and support.  That meant a lot.  Well, she showed up – the blood – not to my surprise after that huge temperature drop, but much to my disappointment. At the time, it felt devastating. Negativity was marinating in my mind and spirit for a few too many days for my liking. The cramps arrived, along with the heavy bleeding that just makes your whole body ache. I was miserable. Every pang stabbing away at my hopes for a Christmas baby. Don’t the fertility gods realize that we have too many adorable outfits that are oh-so-very-yuletide-like-utterly-reeking-of-Christmassy-cuteness? More importantly than outfits…don’t they realize how badly we want this to work? My head and heart want a baby, but my body doesn’t seem to be thinking the same way. Things never go according to our timeline though. This I have realized.

The pain has lessened now. I’ve gotten through the disappointment of our last failed attempt with the help of K. She was sweet and consoling and perfect in my “I’M SORRY I’M SUCH A FAILURE!!!, WILL WE EVER GET PREGNANT???, I NEED TO CRY IN THE BATHROOM!!! – type breakdown.” All I needed was for her to be lovely and positive, and she was. She handled the news so well. I know it got her down, but she bounced right back. She didn’t let her disappointment stop her from being there for me, being my rock. My kedge. It’s an odd word – KEDGE. A kedge is an anchor that keeps a ship steady. I think that’s fitting that I call her that. She was my anchor during the hours and days after AF reared its ugly head. I truly couldn’t get through all of this without her humour and love.

Our donor’s encouragement for the upcoming cycle helped too. He just said, “Don’t worry, you just let me know when you need me and I’m there.” He also nonchalantly said, “It’s probably just because we’re not doing it the old-fashioned way”, with a smirk on his face. Bless his heart. Yeah, NOT GONNA HAPPEN. But, still, it was a good laugh.

I enjoyed a few killer Bahama Mamas last night at the local lesbian bar, during a very-painful-for-the-ears gratifying evening of karaoke with friends. I’m all about people jumping on up there and just having a good time. It’s not about getting “seen” in hopes of been signed by a major music label or anything. Some people really do act that way though. SO very serious. And they really believe they are God’s gift to karaoke night. Completely confident (and off-key) they belt it out – painfully for all those listening. They stroll offstage, pride – and mullet – intact. Yeah….it was rough. But we had some laughs – and really, it just helped to have a night away from TTC stress, have a good time with my girl and feel the weight of all the not-pregnant sadness lift off my shoulders. Not to mention, I hadn’t had a drink in forever; it was lovely.

Last cycle, our first 2 insems were way too early. I had gone on just CM/CF. The other too were perfectly timed, just unfortunately didn’t take. I really am going to put the money out there, this cycle, to get good OPK’s and test twice daily. How soon after a +OPK do you girls recommend ‘sperming up’? We really can only ever do the inseminations at night, unless it is on a Saturday or Sunday, in which case we could do an afternoon try. When I got the positive SMILEY OPK (we got the + at lunchtime), we did the insemination at 10 or 10:30 that evening. For those of you who have gotten pregnant, how soon after a + did you insem? What do you all recommend? We’re hoping that 3 will be our lucky number. Any tips or advice that you think would help us for ICI number three?

We still have one more shot at getting our wee one in time for Xmas. Will we be able to do it? Will it work this time? I am absolutely not giving up hope. And if it doesn’t work, I’ll still have my girl. My love. My kedge to keep me steady through this emotional storm.

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12 thoughts on “K-The Kedge & Karaoke

  1. I like the word Kedge. Thanks for sharing that. 🙂

    Since you asked I figured I would try to help. I did not chart temps. I just used those ovulation pee sticks, but did not use one everyday. I am also one of those people who can usually feel their ovulation happening (it is cramping if I am not on birth control). I think I have a 28 day cycle (hard to tell when just coming off the pill for years). My cycle is 28 days, but I think I ovulate a little late.

    Okay, so we just conceived in February. I used one of those calendar things that told me my most likely fertile period would be from the 12th-17th. So I knew this was when we had to have sex. We had sex the 13t at PM, the 16th at AM and the 17th AM. On the 19th I felt cramping so I checked a stick and the LH line was dark on the stick, so we had sex that morning. So we inseminated 4 times during my cycle to make it happen. I tried to leave gaps in the days because they say the sperm is strong (or something like that).

    I hope that helps somehow!

    Nashville Liz

  2. i’m sad that you’re so sad. 😦

    we insemmed the night before the first +ve opk (cos we expected it to be positive the next morning), the night of the first +ve opk, and then after a second +ve opk the next morning about lunch time that day. but i think i ovulated the day of the first +ve opk.

    does that make sense? basically, the day before, of and after ovulation.

    hoping for a xmas baby for you…

  3. No point theorising about when we insem…’cos we’re not pregnant and my naturopath is convinced our timing is off. I’m not so convinced but have invested in the expensive opk’s this month so we’ll see, right?

    Here’s to Christmas Bebe’s for all of us!

  4. If your donor is willing… my theory is to “flood the gates”! 3-4-5- inseminations – they’re free, and if’s he’s up for it, it can’t hurt. I inseminated 2 days before O (my OPK wasn’t positive yet), the day before (OPK+) and the day of. Each about 24 hours apart.

    I’m sorry this wasn’t your cycle, but I really hope this next one is for you!

  5. Both times we got our BFPs we had inseminated about 16 hours after we got a smiley. (Smiley at 6am and IUI the next morning around 10 or so.)

    The one time we inseminated on the SAME day of the smiley…..we got a BFN. (6am smiley and IUI the same day around 11)

    So I gotta believe the 16 hour thing is the way to go….atleast for us.

    Good luck girls!

  6. The yellow book says that with fresh sperm, you should inseminate 12-36 hours BEFORE your OPK turns positive (so you’d need to be tracking other signs), the second one with the OPK positive, and the third one up to 24 hours later, “depending on all other signals of fertility.” GOOD LUCK

  7. I totally forgot there’s a lesbian bar only an hour from me!

    As pp said, flood the gates. More sperm more of the time. I think the jury’s out on the everyday vs. every other day thing. There’s the thought that with doing every other day you get better sperm counts, but then there’s the other thought that if he’s got good numbers anyway you can go for every day. You’ve got a pretty big window with the fresh goods. Have you done a semen analysis? When I had a local KD, we would do an insem as soon as I had watery CM and then every other day after that plus as one the day I got a peak on the monitor/opk. I used the opk’s and temps to know when to stop having him come over.

    Good luck. It’s coming – I feel it.

  8. Hi just a lurker here in the same boat. We have a fresh donor. I have gotten pregnant twice with him, both ended in miscarriage though. I got pregnant on the third try both times. I usually ovulate day 12 or 13 so we inseminate on day 11, 12 ,13, and possibly 14 if I ovulate later. If you know your cycle, I think the day before, the day of and the day after. All of ours are usually in the evening. If it’s a weekend then late afternoon. Good luck!

  9. we always used frozen so its hard to tell if this is helpful or not… we only did opks once a day.. ( i know what everyone says about that but we trusted our RE) i did an opk at 3:30 and we typically did the insem 8am – 11am the next day. Our pregnancy happened with an 11am insemination. Good luck… I know it seems like it is taking forever… just keep your head up. Also I will email you about all the midwife stuff… I know of several who do home births in Richmond. Sadly, we do not have a birthing center.

  10. so sorry to hear the cycle didn’t work out. Keep your heads up!

    I can’t give any advice on the opk’s and stuff, because we ended up doing Dr assisted and then had to move on to IVF.

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